"Wow That's a Biiiiiig Girl"

It seemed like the perfect time to blog again seeing as the last time I blogged is when Lola had to go to the vet and recently we had yet another exciting vet experience. However, this time it was for a routine check up.

After waiting in the lobby of the vet for an hour and a half while Penny and Lola rotted away in a kennel too small for both of them and a mean oversized Jack Russell named Mercedes snarled at my poor cats, we finally got called into the docs office. Penny being the social (or as I call her, whore of a kitty) that she is, immediately exited the kennel and was rubbing up on the veterinary assistant the counters the floors the computer, everything. Lola was a bit more skeptical. So I dragged Lola out of her kennel and put her on the counter where the veterinary assistant proceeded to pick her up and say "wow that's a biiiiiiiggg girl." Luckily Lola does not need to understand English because I was offended enough for the both of us. How dare she call my precious cat fat! Then she had the nerve to take Lola in the back, weigh her and come tell me she has gained a pound! You might be saying big woop a pound, but in kitty weight that is a lot! That'd be like a 115 pound person gaining 10 pounds. The worst part was I immediately knew exactly what the problem was, me. I had gone and turned my cat into a heffer. (Can I just add that according to Urban Dictionary heffer means "a really fat bitch." This is so true, Lola already was a bitch and now she's fat!

To make matters worse, the vet then took Penny back to get weighed (who she was already favoring for her whorish behavior) and came back to tell me that she'd lost weight! So now Lola is a bitch, a heffer, and food hog. I'd like to say for the first time, I feel like I've failed as a parent, but lets get real, I believe I failed when I let Penny get knocked up, or let the cats eat a Victoria Secret bra, spill water all over my roommates MAC laptop or maybe even when I started a blog about my cats. Either way, it's diet time folks.

**I will not be posting pictures of the heffer until she is back down to her normal weight.

Smelly and Mo Eat Too Much

So I suspected it would be at least 48 hours before I had an adventure to share but looks like the devils have proved me wrong!



First off, let me just say that Penny Lane and Lola's names have changed. It was a natural process that has happened over the last three years. Yes their respective names are "Penny Lane" and "Lola." But I always call Penny Lane "Smelly" and Lola "Mo." There's reasons for this that aren't interesting but now you know that this blog is really the life of SMELLY and MO!

Anyway... So Smelly and Mo went on a bit of a mouse hunt last night, more details to come later, so I was relieved to wake up to kitty normalcy. After being at work for about an hour I get a text message from my roommate saying "Oh goody there's cat vomit everywhere for me to clean up." You may be thinking well come on roomy it's not a big deal, but this is the roomy whose laptop had an entire glass of water spilt on it so to say the least she doesn't share my particular love for the fuzz balls.

I'm assuming she started cleaning the vomit as Smelly and Mo looked on pleased with themselves for finally clearing that crap out of their stomach that was making them feel not so good. They were probably secretly laughing inside that she had to clean it up because they feel her hatred towards them. I told her she didn't have to clean it up but she was nice enough to anyway.

A few minutes later I get another text that says "why did you give them lettuce." Lettuce? What? I'm thinking what the hell I didn't feed them lettuce, in fact I didn't even eat anything green in the last 24 hours. So today's mystery is what are Smelly and Mo really doing at home all day? Maybe they've found their way into the fridge and discovered lettuce is their new favorite food? Nah they're not smart enough for that... MAYBE they figured since they can't wear green for St. Patrick's Day they were just going to barf green instead...I'm gonna say they found a couple day old lettuce (quite possibly a week old) on the floor and ate it right up. Cause that's what cats do, or uh that's what dogs do, but who knows what species I have roaming my house these days.