After waiting in the lobby of the vet for an hour and a half while Penny and Lola rotted away in a kennel too small for both of them and a mean oversized Jack Russell named Mercedes snarled at my poor cats, we finally got called into the docs office. Penny being the social (or as I call her, whore of a kitty) that she is, immediately exited the kennel and was rubbing up on the veterinary assistant the counters the floors the computer, everything. Lola was a bit more skeptical. So I dragged Lola out of her kennel and put her on the counter where the veterinary assistant proceeded to pick her up and say "wow that's a biiiiiiiggg girl." Luckily Lola does not need to understand English because I was offended enough for the both of us. How dare she call my precious cat fat! Then she had the nerve to take Lola in the back, weigh her and come tell me she has gained a pound! You might be saying big woop a pound, but in kitty weight that is a lot! That'd be like a 115 pound person gaining 10 pounds. The worst part was I immediately knew exactly what the problem was, me. I had gone and turned my cat into a heffer. (Can I just add that according to Urban Dictionary heffer means "a really fat bitch." This is so true, Lola already was a bitch and now she's fat!
To make matters worse, the vet then took Penny back to get weighed (who she was already favoring for her whorish behavior) and came back to tell me that she'd lost weight! So now Lola is a bitch, a heffer, and food hog. I'd like to say for the first time, I feel like I've failed as a parent, but lets get real, I believe I failed when I let Penny get knocked up, or let the cats eat a Victoria Secret bra, spill water all over my roommates MAC laptop or maybe even when I started a blog about my cats. Either way, it's diet time folks.
**I will not be posting pictures of the heffer until she is back down to her normal weight.
No comments:
Post a Comment